Meeting With The Captain of My Heart

 Okay, here is the deal.

Recently I've been assign to join in for the LIMA event in Langkawi and to assist the delegacy there. I was very excited to be part of the team, FINALLY! Usually only the protocol team are chosen to go for this event however this time it was different and me and other girls could join in (only 1 other girl actually). We were damn excited but nervous to be honest.

18th May 2025

Before the event, we held few meetings for the preparation of this event and finally we departed on the 18 May 2025. Once we arrived at our inn, we had a short and brief meeting about the next day event and once we are done, we are good to go. Prepare my clothes and everything and goes to sleep.

19th May 2025

We start our day based on the schedule arrange and I was assigned to assist the wife of the head of the airforce of Indonesia National Army (TNI-AU). I am so proud but nervous, again because it's my first time to assist such an important person. 

For those who does not know what does LIMA stands for it is Langkawi International Maritime and Aerospace exhibition. This is a two years once event that was held in the island of Langkawi, Kedah. Such a special event for this island and usually attract people from all over the world. Usually, the accommodation during this season is DAMN EXPENSIVE.

Okay, back with the topic.

The first day assisting the wife of the Chief Airforce was amazing. Nervous as hell but everything went well.

20th May 2025

I had 0 hopes that I will be able to watch the airshow but somehow we made it and watch the show. I enjoy the short moment that we had and manage to catch a glimpse of the show. 

21st May 2025

Its the last day of the VIP guest I'm handling and they will go back to Indonesia. I didn't have time to look around but rather I took pictures of them at the tarmac. As long as they are happy, I'm happy. To be honest I don't have the time to look around at that time. Once the VIP guest went back, I quickly rush to the Indonesian Defence booth to meet up with my colleague and then later on preparing for the next event at night. The event related to our department and it was full house! Happy with the participants that join in.

22nd May 2025

It's the day that we finally could go to the tarmac again and watch the performance of The Jupiter Aerobatic team and it was amazing. That is the time I can finally open up my eyes to see which one that I want to take picture with. Finally found one <3

Arghhh I can't! Talking about how I encounter him for the first time already made me feel butterflies. It was like a fate and I'm saying it because I saw him for the first time when I was going out from the Jupiter booth to take a break from the hectic simple arrangement. I just feel suffocated and going out from the booth is the best decision I ever made.

That's when I saw him, my Captain Fajar.

ARRRRHHHH!

It's weird but when I was standing with the Air Force boss, there was a voice that asked me to look on my left and when I look, there he is, standing there, looking at the preparation of the aircraft before the departure. I just couldn't take my eyes off him after that time onwards. I mentioned this to the boss and saying I would like to have a picture taken with him and he nodded with agreement and will help me to ask on behalf of me. Fast forward, suddenly things become busy and I got distracted by the other air show and forget about him for a while. But then while we were walking out to the Jupiter aircraft to take picture of our bosses, there was my Immigration boss walking with him and asking me to help him take picture with the Captain. It's the opportunity I was looking for, good timing!

After I took their picture, I quickly ask permission for a photo with him, nervously and shakingly getting his consent and standing next to him. Once we are done with the photo including me taking picture for my friend, all of us need to walk over to see other aircraft but the only one I wanna see at the moment was him, my Capt <3.

And just like that he reached out his hand to me introducing his name and I nervously and unconsciously reaching out my hand to him. AHHHHHHHH! When I think about that moment, how dare did I do that??!!! Daymmmnn girl. You're so brave. But then we talked and it was a memorable one and I was just flying all over the place just like how the pilot of Jupiter did their aerobatic moves <3

And that moment of us was captured in camera and what can I say, I LOVE IT.

I still remember all of the moment.

Unconsciously I was smiling till my ears and just like that the Air Force boss noticed that I was smiling and joke around me saying about me smiling from ears to ears and while he was teasing me about him, he mentioned loudly that I must be happy that I got him finally. And he was there on his left in front of him when his name was being mentioned. He turn back and look at me. All I could do is just to cover my face from embarrassment and quickly went inside the booth, in which he went in as well. After that I think everything was just blurry for me :') I'm so in love.

Before we depart, I handed out request to my air force boss that I would like to get his signature on my hat. Long story short, they manage to get for me and together with a video of him signing the cap for me. OMG!!!!! I can't say anything, I'm just a girl who's in love! Hahahaha. I'm confuse with my feeling why I became like that at that time, even till now. It was like I met the celebrity that I adored so much. It's that kind of feeling. Lovey dovey till cloud 9.

23rd May 2025

It's the time that we have to sent everyone back so we busy up our day sending everyone back home and left 4 of us in Langkawi to drive back our offices car to Penang. 2 ladies and 2 guys. Me, being the girl who's being starstruck by the Capt still can't move on with all that has already happened before. But it was just like that till my boss mentioned in our work group with a screenshot that the Capt asked for my number. PENGSAN. I feel happy but at the same time embarrassed. With all the circumstances and agreement and everything, I consented for my number to be given to the Capt. He chatted with me, again introducing himself and also sharing the picture that he had of him and with me. ARRHHHHH! I kept screaming through my eyes and all my eyes did was shooting love out of it.

24th May 2025

It's the day that we departed back out from Langkawi to Kuala Kedah and we have to wait for our car to reach Kuala Kedah on the 25th May before we can depart back to Penang. We stayed a night in Alor Setar and the 4 of us that was left behind spend time together chatting about all those things that happened in Langkawi. We had fun that night chatted away all the problems we are facing.

25th May 2025

Woke up same time for Subuh prayer and after that me and my friends was chatting away when Capt texted me. Again....I'm screaming my lungs out quietly. How can I not! OMG! He asked whether I have reached Penang or not and after I explain to him, he told me that he's departing back to Indonesia and thanked us for visiting their booth and likewise I thanked him for the opportunity and mentioned how proud are we with them and wishes them all the good wishes. And then ....

he called me ...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

I was that damn nervous answering his call and all I can do was blushing all the way during our conversation. Basically I did confess to him that I was the one that asked for the air force boss for his signature on my cap and I'm sorry if it causes discomfort but I was really happy with it including the consented recorded video of him signing my cap. Haihhhhhhhhh <3 LOVE LOVE LOVE

It was like a video call between idol and fan and I was literally blushing confessing bit by bit. With my messy hair and pajamas! I couldn't tell all the details because I want to keep the rest in my memory of how I saw him, just for myself. It was the best gift I ever received for LIMA 25.

Of course, that's it. That was our last conversation and later on I saw he posted something in his Whatsapp stories and just replied to it and that's all. Nothing else and of course I don't dare to disturb him again for some obvious reason.

And from that time onwards, I just fan girling him till now. Until now. While I'm writing this. 

Anyway, I really hope that he will have a good career ahead of him and he will become a successful person and hopefully one day we will be able to meet again or bump into each other. AAAAAAAAA!!!!! I REALLY WISH FOR IT! I'M NOT JOKING ABOUT IT. I REALLY MEAN IT.

Haishhhhh....

I am still so in love with him till now, fan girling him. All over the place like how I fan girling Mayor Teddy and Afgan.

I hope that the memory that I had with him will stay and I will remember him all the time.

Till we meet again, Captain Fajar <3💘

Saturday 5th April 2025 - Productive Day

 Good night,

Woke up for morning prayer today thinking I can sleep late because I had 4 hours sleep only but forgotten I have a duty as a daughter to bring my mom to the market. Happily brought her there although I am sleepy. But ended up in a bad mood because of the cashier treated us the customer badly. Too bad. I'm not in the mood to face your attitude and I give back what you gave to me to make you realize your own. You are an adult and in which I can see you clearly got what I mean. Hope after that onwards you will continue to have a productive day at work and appreciate us the customer or at least be patient with us a bit. You know, the habit of repeating the same act although it could be boring but it could also improve your skill that you might be able to do it naturally without the need of forcing it out. 👀

Besides that, got all the things needed and thank you Government for the money 😉 We use it wisely.

Head back home to take a short nap before heading out again for my lunch with a friend. What I can say is that the food is delicious but I was super full and I suspected it might filled me in till the night (which is correct). Sushi Mentai, you're the best! (Ps : For those who took the Wasabi from the belt, please put it back at the belt so that others can get the Wasabi. I kept eyeing on one of the table nearby us where they took the Wasabi jar and did not return it to the belt. Can you imagine it was full house just now and I have to wait for the other jar to reach and by the time it was nearby other people took it and I have to wait again)

Then head back home but drop by confectionary shop to buy some of my mom things and also mine 😋I got my shredded parmesan for RM8.50 (it's a saviour for my salad). 

Drop by to my favourite Baju Kurung shop Orked to see if there are any discounted baju kurung for me to purchase unfortunately, none. Try to look online but none I like. That Orked shop literally have half of the shop baju kurung that I like, only the price that make me consider it again. Not too expensive but since I'm on a budget right now, I have to consider that.

Went back home with full tummy and the things I was asked to purchase and finally wanna take a nap but ended up watching Korean series (please watch Hyper Knife, it is super good!).

Oh, I better sleep early as I have promised myself that I will make sure to sleep before 12 midnight.

Good night everyone.

😘

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri - 31 March 2025

Good morning people.

I am writing this blog like early in the morning while listening to Aloenan Sjahdoe Lagu Tempo Doeloe 1950 (so soothing to listen to it "dini hari"). Just suddenly wanted to write something after a while. Hopefully I can frequently update this blog of mine that I have left some time ago.

Lots of things happened in life. 

I graduated my degree in 2017.

I travel to 2 different countries as a gift to myself (Indonesia and Australia).

I started new job on 1st February 2018 and lasted with the job till now ✌👀✌ 

Got into a real relationship in 2019 (i think) and broke off officially sometime after Covid (sad). I still have hopes for this guy. The one that suitable for me.

Got myself into long term investment in late 2019 (a house) and hopefully it will be a fruitful one.

Appreciating myself more than others.

Prioritizing my parents more than anyone now.

Focus on saving own money in KWSP (as you can save your money in there without the need of caruman from majikan).

Met a new guy in 2024, supposedly getting to know him first as a friend but I guess my impression to him was too much as he wanna proceed to the next stage while me not being ready nor have any feelings yet for him. In the end, told him my feelings and I guess he got upset and blocked me. Nasib.

Met another new guy through dating apps but what could we expect right meeting a person through the apps. Twice in different apps and twice a weirdo. The first one was asking question that shouldn't be asked and another one decided to become a ghost and I decided to become Casper too for him (he got the ball to text me back after ghost me for a while when I posted something about financial probability that I will get). Hantu punya orang.

So far that's all.

Oh yeah, I have Tiktok account. Hopefully my video can be received well by the audience. PS : My Tiktok account name is Tahu Lover 😁

Will post more here. See ya. 👋

Je t'aime

I am not sure if it is the correct word to describe it

I am not sure if it is real enough for me to feel it

But one thing for sure is that this feeling has been messed up once more.

It tingles my body and it's racing down here in my heart.

How can it be possible after all these years?

'Perhaps love' quotation again?

YES. 

PERHAPS IT IS

;D

L - is for the way you look at me

O - is for the only one i see

V - is very very extraordinary

E - is even more than anyone that you adore 

These are exactly how I felt.

The first time I fell in love with a mat saleh and second time I feel my heart racing as fast as this.

How could it be if it wasn't for love??

But dilemma starts because he's way older than me. 

Imagine....he's 42 years old and I'm 25 years old. 

Jiwa kacau macam ni.

Now I have to wait for a month before he came back to me. I really hope I could meet him again.

PS : I am writing this note specially for you Mr. Le Maire. It is my sincere feelings for you. This is the second time I feel such adrenaline rush towards me. I am too innocent, yes I am. But I like that innocent person in me. As I feel I can love without any boundaries. I would just marry you if you're single. But because I did not know your status I dare not pursue this matter any longer. I'll bottled in up in return hoping some miracles would actually happen. 

I like you Mr. Trustan Le Maire.

Professionalism of the Educated Men was Beyond Expectation

Times are passing by like a river flow but still the long awaiting song continue to be sung. It's either the promise has been forgotten or dump & forgotten. The one's waiting will suffer more than the one's telling. They just love the other's pain is it?

Nothing can stop my anger is it? No one can cure it? No one can save it? There is! But too bad they had no balls. Simple Plan is way better than them "No Pads, No Helmets Just Balls".

Executing their duties was uphold by others. Are we that not important? Are we just some rubbish or some toy that you love to play around but then when you're done with it you just throw it out? Ohh MM Geeee . You should learn from Brave Guys.

Remembering your work is equivalent with remembering your duties to your kids. If you just abandon your duties like this I bet one day you can also abandon your kids in times of difficult. I can see who's running first when something happen. It's only the image of your ownself and NO OTHERS.

I am whining like a little kid because I deserve the rights to do so. Why shouldn't I? A little kid was given his equal chance to whine and why shouldn't I right? 

Suddenly the image of the scenes from Man From The Equator jumps out in my mind. I was that hurt, as much as Kim Seonu. The worst part is that I feel like I'm becoming him and they becoming Jang-Il. They really do. With pretentious and all we have develop our own scenes which eventually if it was structured properly it will be a hit drama series with hatred and all.

Should I start writing the real core of it as a story and make the plot more exciting? I think I should :)

I will start structuring the whole thing and if it goes well I should start writing very very soon. Just thinking about it already make me so excited but with a pain in my heart. I just I can't help it being too nice and turning into an evil one was a real pain in the ass. Just like those arse-licker. Their image just make me sick of them. With their fake smile and fake best attitude. It hurts me that I once had trust on him. But then it was all shattered apart after it.

"Dear God, turn me into a bird, so I can fly far far away from here"

My feelings after being betrayed and used was the same as how Jenny felt when she was hoping the 'sick' father could be gone from her life forever.

Ps : I'll post a link here if I were to write . Stay tuned.

Pengguna Tak Berguna?

Apa yang cuba hendak saya sampaikan di sini sebenarnya? Bagi pendapat saya ia bukanlah omong kosong tetapi kenyataan yang pahit untuk di terima kita sebagai 'Pengguna'. 

Istilah 'pengguna' saya kategorikan sebagai individu masyarakat yang menggunakan sesuatu produk sama ada produk penjagaan diri seharian, produk makanan, barangan elektronik ataupun dari segi hiburan yang disajikan kepada kita. Saya masih ingat lagi akan sebuah hypermarket yang pernah menjadi bualan hebat seluruh masyarakat Malaysia apabila barang yang dijual murah tetapi dijual dengan kuantiti yang banyak (borong). 

Pada waktu itu saya ingat lagi betapa susahnya hendak memasuki ke dalam hypermarket tersebut yang meletakkan pelbagai syarat. Saya sendiri tidak pernah memasuki hypermarket tersebut kerana mendengar terlalu banyak komentar dari pengguna bahawa hanya pengguna yang mempunyai kad hypermarket itu sahaja yang dapat membeli belah di situ dan hanya orang dewasa sahaja yang dibenarkan masuk ke situ. Sejauh mana kebenaran itu saya sendiri kurang pasti kerana pada waktu itu saya masih tidak terlalu mempunyai keinginan untuk ke tempat sebegitu kerana masih di bangku sekolah rendah. Terlalu banyak syarat yang diletakkan dan tempat tersebut menjadi seolah-olahnya sangat eksklusif.

Akan tetapi setelah beberapa tahun (kalau saya tidak salah) muncul hypermarket yang terbaru yang tidak mengenakan syarat-syarat yang berat. Salah satu syarat utama hypermarket tersebut adalah pekerjanya tidak boleh membeli barangan yang telah di reject dengan kata lain yang hampir dengan tarikh tamat tempoh atau yang hampir rosak. Selain itu tiada syarat-syarat yang dikenakan. Bagi pengguna yang membeli barang di hypermarket tersebut mereka boleh mendaftar untuk menjadi ahli kelab sekiranya mereka mahu. Dengan menjadi ahli kelab (yang tidak mengenakan sebarang bayaran) mereka boleh mengumpul mata dan sekaligus menebus mata ganjaran dengan kupon RM yang akan dihantar oleh pihak hypermarket. Kupon RM yang tertera jumlah akumulasi mata ganjaran kemudian boleh diguna pakai untuk kegunaan di hypermarket tersebut. Selain itu potongan-potongan harga bagi sesetengah barangan juga disediakan. Diskaun dan potongan harga dan harga barangan yang lebih murah dibanding tempat lain juga membuatkan pengguna sangat senang untuk berkunjung ke hypermarket tersebut untuk berbelanja. Dengan kondisi yang sangat nyaman dan lagu yang sayup-sayup kedengaran agar suasana tidak terlalu bosan membuatkan pengunjung sentiasa tidak bosan untuk berbelanja di situ walaupun kadangkala tujuan sesetengan pengunjung hanya untuk melihat-lihat barangan dan membandingkan harga sahaja. 

Tapi apa yang menghairankan saya kenapa tiada khidmat sebegini rupa yang sanggup bersaing dari segi harga dan kualiti disediakan bagi khidmat siaran televisyen? Apa yang saya tahu hanya satu sahaja stesen tv berbayar yang tersedia ada di Malaysia ini. Saya berterima kasih kepada stesen tv berbayar ini kerana memberi saya peluang untuk menonton siaran-siaran yang tidak dapat disiarkan oleh stesen tv kerajaan mahupun tv swasta tidak berbayar yang lain. Terima kasih walaupun kami terpaksa membayar untuk menonton rancangan-rancangan tersebut. Tetapi apa yang membuatkan saya tidak puas hati adalah KENAPA setiap kali hujan siaran yang ditonton di stesen tv berbayar ini pasti tidak dapat ditonton dengan kata lain HILANG, LESAP. Adakah ini suatu masalah yang tidak dapat dielakkan sama sekali? Apakah anda tidak berniat untuk mencari penyelesaian bagi masalah itu? Apakah anda tidak mahu mengambil pakar di bahagian penyiaran untuk memberi perkhidmatan yang lebih baik kepada pengguna anda yang telah MEMBAYAR bagi perkhidmatan anda? Selain itu BAYARAN juga dinaikkan sewenang-wenangnya. KENAPA? Bukankah bayaran tersebut sepatutnya dibayar oleh pihak syarikat anda dan bukan kami pengguna? KENAPA? Kenapa tiada penjelasan yang jelas diberikan? KENAPA? Adakah kerana anda tahu "kami tidak bisa hidup tanpa anda" ?

Saya rasa bukan saya sahaja yang pernah bersuara tentang hal ini tetapi menteri-menteri pernah bersuara tapi apa jawapannya?? Saya sebagai pengguna masih tidak tahu jawapannya. Minta maaf sekiranya saya tidak membaca artikel yang anda keluarkan bagi menjawab persoalan-persoalan tersebut tetapi apa hak kami sebagai PENGGUNA SETIA anda? Takkan lah rasa terima kasih anda kepada kami hanya ditonjolkan dengan memberi siaran percuma bagi berapa ratus rangkaian selama beberapa hari sahaja? Patutnya tunjukkan langkah terima kasih anda dengan mencari jalan penyelesaian bagi membolehkan penonton dapat menonton siaran anda tanpa gangguan walaupun hujan. 

Saya rasa ini sesuatu perkara yang sangat melucukan kerana kami PENGGUNA membayar untuk suatu perkhidmatan yang hanya boleh ditonton sewaktu cuaca cerah dan baik sahaja. Sekiranya hujan itu bermaksud kami tidak perlu menonton siaran televisyen dan hanya patut tidur sahaja. Bukankah tujuan televisyen dan siaran-siaran tersebut adalah untuk menghiburkan pengguna dan memberi info yang berguna?

Lebih melucukan adalah TIADA SATU pun stesen tv swasta berbayar yang mampu muncul bagi bersaing dengan mereka seperti apa yang saya ceritakan tentang hypermarket sebelum ini. Saya tidak mengerti mengapa kami PENGGUNA dilayan sedemikian? Sebab itu tajuk untuk catatan kali ini adalah "Pengguna Tak Berguna?" kerana saya bertanya adakah kami pengguna ini langsung tiada gunanya dan dengan membuat aduan tiada satu pun tindakan yang diambil untuk membaik pulih perkhidmatan?

Saya harap akan ada suatu pihak yang membuat sesuatu tentang hal ini. Saya telah merasakan beberapa kali situasi yang saya ceritakan ini dan itu merupakan suatu pengalaman yang tidak menyenangkan saya sebagai PENGGUNA yang membayar bagi suatu perkhidmatan yang saya harapkan baik tetapi tidak seberap baik yang diharapkan.

Terima kasih.

The thing about love is ....

huhuhu

no longer in love??

bla bla bla

jaba jaba jaba

i am still in love

in love with the shadow that can be touch

but become untouchable once i decided so

ohh this love sick feeling

how i hate you

shooohh

if only it can go away as easy as that

tahhhh