Ragam Mu Bikin ku Ngakak

Di saat kau di kaca televisyen
Ku melihat mu
Penuh manis dan tawa girang

Pandangan pertama padamu hanya biasa
Tapi humor mu mencuit hatiku
Menggelikan hatiku
Hatiku bergetar pantas sepantasnya
Bikin ku keringetan

Oh Tuhan tolonglah
Ini pasti satu helah hatiku lagi
Sembuhkannya sebelum terlewat
Jangan biar ia berlarutan
Karna ia hanya mimpi yang tak mungkin

I dunno but maybe i should keep this to myself
Coz like Callait said
I think Im falling for you
Just cure me
Just heal me
No more day dream
Wake me up now and not when september ends

Semoga isi hatiku bisa didengar
Sebagai sebuah dendangan lagu
Yang baitnya cukup indah
Sampai bisa membuat orang jatuh cinta
Terutama dia

-help me to compose tis to song-

Foot Over Heals

fuh fuh fuh .... it hurts everytime i wore high heals. and although it hurt me so much i kinda wear it to make me look tall(im not too tall and im not too short :P)

this is the problem that most of the ladies encounters with for the love of beauty and nobody is helping us to solve this problem because maybe there aren't any,is it?i dunno, i don't invent or design high heals.

this would be my question that was not answered till now,pffftt. sad to think about it.

there's a situation where a girl would willing to bring a spare flip flop in her bag so she can wore it while watching movie and quickly change to heals before the movie ends without her bf knowing it. that is sacrifice.

but good thing about heals would be that it can be a weapon for girls to protect theirself with. it can also be a weapon for the girls to let go of their anger if they ever found out if their boyfriend were cheating on them or if they tried to do funny thing that the girl does not consented to :P

so conclusively,i kinda agree with the saying "beauty is pain" (if im not wrong :D).

-hurtttt-

Being a mean girl

ohya,before anything...i wanna thanks my friend ria for sharing with me one of the most funniest blog i ever visited before but sorry coz i've forgotten the name but the author's name is Icha frm beloved Indonesia.

Here are some of the hottest revenge chat that i had with my x-bf and i intend to continue with this wicked intention as long as i like coz im kinda liking it...so here it goes!

it start with me seeing his status as " Im in love .... "

so i kinda decided on the spot to put some mean girls thought into chatting room :D

then i asked him 'wah,in love with who' and he answered me back 'ehehehe,hye u sihat,katne ni?' awww,how sweet he is(actually im being sacarstic). then ......

gal :heaven :d hows life now
dude:ok la,busy sikit,you?everything ok?(stupidly can asked me this question)...

....so i answered back....
gal :AOK from last time.previously it was the worst especially from feb-march :d (2009-this was the time that im with him,judes bgt yahh ;P)
dude:ehehehe,why?hows ur study?
gal :my study?normal.to be honest much better than feb-march(still being sarcastic)
dude:ok la tu.(showing the sign of a germ type of guy).you know that my family has moved to Ipoh?

......so i sarcasticly answered.....

gal :nope,dont have idea at all coz your missing in action(really being sarcastic,muahaha)
dude:adess,sorry you.i know dat i have made lots of mistake,please forgive me.
gal :of course (by now you all should now already that im being sarcastic everytime i answered him back)
dude:will you forgive me? are u there? you?? (at this moment i was busy liking and commenting my fb photos :P )

and.....

gal :of course.oh ya,tell me bout your latest up-to-date gf.i am all here (try to dig up any juicy info bout him to be more sarcastic than before :d )
dude:hehehe,where got.
gal :ohya,i forgot.
dude:im still single.
gal :always changing partners.sorry,my mistake (aku ngakak/ketawa dikit pas waktu ini)
dude:uisshhh,,,where got.

....and here it goes....

gal :ohya,my mistake again,you didnt and never changed your partners coz ur loyal to all of them (MUAHAHAHA)
dude:adesss
gal : :d
dude:you,what's up with you now? any news that i should know? (he crazily stressed me out now coz he wanting me to be meaner to him which i like)
gal :oh no,im lame.no up-to-date story.

.....this is the fun part.....

dude:ehehehe,really? hows ur parents? ok?
gal :always in a good health to chop off the head those people who hurt their children and the same goes to my bro and he is bringing his clan too if he need so.want me to send regard to them? i've already inform my Indonesian clans and they've prepared all the necessary ammunition to be used.just waiting for that moment to launch it only.

dude:really?what will you get in return? and why me? hehehe (aiyo,this guy really pissed me off till the max la,bagai bom atom meledak ato gunung brapi meledak kea yg d omongin/cakap sm gita gutawa)

gal :just asking...being super concern :d

dude:ehehehe,ok thanx for ur concern.i really appreciate that (-.-") what did i have to do to make you forgive me?

gal :pffttt....mau tanya lagi ka.of course (which continues with NO)
dude:you just tell me what i have to do to make you forgive me?
gal :(i really wanted to ask him to jump off from Penang Bridge but canceled it d) just wait during judgment day coz i already ask from God to give you the worst punishment ever.so what you can do is just wait for it.

dude:why did you really hate me so much?
gal : :d coz i like
dude:ur X-bf before this also hurt you so much,remember? i just vanished for a while (ya of course for 3month..so A WHILE)

.....im suddenly blurred by his statement....

gal :who is my previous X that ur referring too?
dude:before me
gal :that one we broke of with consent of each party and we remained as friends till now (padan muka,he kena straight to his face!bulls eyes!)
dude:really??
gal :ya dude,we still friends till now (begok/bodoh/stupid nya him)

....tried so hard to cover up.....

dude:i thought you told me he just vanished like that (he's referring to himself)
gal :ur really one in a million dude
dude:i know that i am at fault. i am sorry. i want both of us to be ok (amboi,senang betul cakap...sorry dude,sorry seems to be the hardest word)

gal :either you had a short term memory or you either had other disease that i dunno abt.
dude:no hard feelings ya. (OMG,how can i previously fall for him also i tak tau la)
gal :let me be frank,my only x-bf that went missing will be you. (trying to make a point here)

....and upon that he came up with this defence and alibi....

dude:look,i messed up ok,im not perfect,im sorry ok. if ur trying to say that ur perfect then im sorry. i just wanted to apologise to you.

gal :where got a person whom is perfect. but since earlier of our relationship i already told you not to mess with me coz im not a forgiver type of person.

dude:we know each other before. you sounded as if you are perfect. (kalo ak lagi d dpn dia pasti uda d tonjok2/tumbuk muka dia)

gal :im a revenge holder type of person (so as i tell him,again)

dude:i know but after that i still made that effort to search for you. to apologise

gal :if i dont like that person i will tell him and broke off with him and not being a coward and run away and hoping she/he will forget everything just like that.

dude:you...something actually happend...you dont even know what was it..

gal :and here it goes again (coz as i suspected he will use that excuse coz he use it previously to me and he still used that lame defence and alibi)

dude:kereta/mobil i kena pecah tau....handphone i smua hilang,i had to do a new sim card..i asked for memory no but they said i didnt save it so i lost all numbers.i try to call you tapi asyik salah no saje so i sengap/diam...i tunggu u call or message tapi tak ade pun.so??? (see,now he's trying to blame me pulak,shit la this guy)(fyi,i tried to call him but previously he said the number dat he had used was not his number and he borrowed his cousin number so logically i asked him first whether i can called or not and he said it will be his cousin who will answer the phone and not him. previously when i checked and called his 'cousin' number using my other secret number at midnite time,he was the one who answered the phone.) (the reason why he uses his cousin number is because he said to me that his car window being smashed and he lost his phone...ring any bells??it's similar with his defence story right??)

gal :awww...pity you...when you actually lost ur phone? (sarcastic)

dude:eheheh,you dont have to be hypocrite (aw,good person to advise me not to be a hypocrite person) i cant remember when but its last year. if you cant forgive me you just have to tell me.

gal :awwww....

dude:i know how did you feel

gal :tau tak apa....awwwww (laughing out loud)

dude:i just wanted to apologise from you coz i know you for quite long already and i dont want to loose contact with you just because of this (actually i dont mind losing contact with such a weirdo person)

gal :awwwwwwwwww

dude:please you...i dont want to lose everything that we had just because of this.at least i made you happy before (trying to remind me how grateful i should be) you,please you,i know im a bad person and i know that im at fault but the thing is im still a normal person who never run from making mistakes.you?? are you still there?? (im bored of his lame statement and decided to chat with other friends in fb chat room)
gal : >:) course im still here

dude:nevermind,i already explained everything to you and i know if you still want to hate me its your choice,i understand...thanx for everything especially ur time and love. (now i really feel sick of him)

.....and.....

gal : :d of course


and that would be the end of the long lamest situation ever told by me. but that is true,no ayat tokok tambah/added info and im referring this to the chat site im chatting with him. he thought that i can't remember anything is it?

to be honest i tried calling him but end up with no picking-up-phone-situation and please la dont recycle ur defence or excuses.recycling paper,plastic or botols is good but not recycling excuses to me.pffffttt!naik darah aku dibuatnya.

so akhirnya dia pun offline begitu sahaja karna uda ga tahan dia keanya!wahahaha!

i guess he can't stand me being so sarcasticly unforgivable.should sing to him The Unforgiven song by Metallica already.

so tired of those chatting and now decides to lay my head and get some rest.now it is up to the jury to give their verdict (cewah,like court situation pulak).

-never ever-

Fixed it

There's been lots of changes that encounters me this year,like my bro's wedding which i considered as the biggest revelation about something in my life. And I am trying to adapt something which is sort of not myself into myself if I intend to turn out as what they expect me to do so. So my resolution for next year is to finish my degree ASAP.

I intend to change few of my bad habits as far as I can and I really hoped that I will manage to do it,I really wish.

No matter how long I have to wait for him, I will surely waited for him till I know for sure that he have someone else. I don't care and I think now I really understand what does it mean by the saying 'Love is Blind' and yes I agree with it.

There is lots of things that I wanted to say but it's very hard to describe it. I am not sure how to express my feelings. Just forget about telling people coz jotting it down here also was hard enough for me. The reason why I can write right now is becoz I was listening to a very mellow songs. Mellow songs helps me tho to write mellow stuff and to be as mellow as I could.

Suddenly feels like writing down a poem, maybe poem is the best method to express yourself out and people will have to feel it to know the meaning,cool rite?

I feel like flying,
With birds and angels following me,
As high and as free as I can go,
Wishing that sorrowness will fade away
Wishing that I could reach him
and wishing that he could saw me.

And as I fly,
Rain starts to fall,
Too heavy I guess for the clouds to handle.

The wind blew the clouds away,
There's no more rain
But thunder do strike few times
Scaring few crows on the 'bushy' trees.

The soul that is flying feels like landing
But unsure of it's position
Where could it be?
Will the soul found her body?
Will the soul be together with her body she wanted too?
There's too much question
But there is no answer.

The soul fly high again
Determine to find 'it' as what the other fellow birds told
And the soul depart with jukebox feelings
Wishing again the end will be better
And ended with a fairy tale.

-unrest soul-

The Other World

Have you ever encountered anything from the other world or the outside world from us here?? Do you believe in ghost??

I don't say that I dun believe that spirits exist but if Im not mistaken in the holy month of Ramadhan all devils and satan are being locked and chained so that they will not disturb human being during this holy month. But does that include spirits??

I think i've just encountered spirit the time I was sitting alone in college. I was in an empty class room alone waiting for my class to start as I came 1hour early. Rather than playing with handphone I've decided to read my notes. I was really focusing upon my notes when suddenly I can see on my right side a black figure passing behind me and at the same time I can feel a strong breez of air when actually the class room was fully closed and its impossible for there to be such breez as the room was aircond and this is really different from aircond air.

I was kinda nervous but I tried to stay calm and slowly pack my stuff, switch off all electricity in the class and ciao ASAP from the class. I oledi told this to my mom and she just told me the next time dun ever stay alone in a classroom. I dun wanna tell in the first place but my mind cant seem to be in peace. Even the time I go for Isyak prayer my mind was just running around the fact that there's a spirit in my room and it is actually watching me closely. So I decided to recite Quran and it makes me calm a bit.

So, after reading all this, do you believe in ghost???

-encountered with the other world-

My Confession

Your Smile Brings Light Into My Days
The Tought Of You ,Warms My Night
To Hold You In My Arms ,
Even In My Dreams It Feels So Right
Loving You

You Never See The Way I Look Into Your
Eyes
You Never Realize The Love I Feel
Inside
Pain And Sorrow That Haunted Me ,
Cause Words I've Left Unsaid To You

Now You Found Someone Else To Love
Deep In My Heart, My Love Won't Fade Away
To Hold U In My Arms
Even In My Dreams It Feels So Right Loving You

---------------------------------------------------------------

Crash & Burn 2009

What can be said to be the most embarrassing moment in my life?? The answer could be on 17th August 2009, the day where i'm supposed to feel honoured carrying the flag to the pole and taking it back to the box and keep it safe for next year celebration. What supposed to be the most successful day and the time where i can feel proud with myself turned out to be the most disasterous day ever and the most humiliating moment in my life. Let me start this crash and burn day....

As all the Indonesian ppl knw,on the 17th of August is the day where all Indonesian will feel proud with how they achieve their independence because on that day it is Indonesian Independence Day. To start the story,let me describe about the nite before the big day...

All of us(paskibra unit)are having sumwhat like slumber party as we are trying to avoid lateness n etc,so we decided to crash at the ambassy's house. We are trying so hard to sleep but to be honest we are helplessly successful in doing that. This year,paskibra unit are conclusive of young teenagers and matured teens. The young teens here couldn't sleep at all. They constantly wake up so ended up they laugh and play all nite long,not having sleep at all. From this moment i know some of this brats are going to create some havoc during the Big Day and my instinct was right. Although my fren and I myself are having that problem we are trying our best to sleep tho.

When the Big Day rises it sunshine everybody was already ready to set the day and make it a major history for our ownself and for the KJRI Penang also. Few of those paskibra unit who didn't join the sleep over came just in time to make up themself and be prepared....and here it goes.

The time has come for us to go out to the battlefield and used all the strategy that was trained to us by our most beloved trainers where they teaches us with patient and sweat. We make a heading to the battlefield with fast heartbeating,nervousness and stomachache. It was not to hot nor cold,just nice weather. Its time for us to make a move after one of our most beloved trainer who are leading the opening day entered the field. We make quite a good move first and i was happy and proud for a second. I was very nervous to take the honoured flag but i bravely take it with dignity and honour tho to be honest i am a Malaysian(im semi Malaysia & Indonesia, hehe). After we reach to the pole its time for me to give the honoured flag to my comrade who has been practicing not to laugh when giving the flag. Suddenly...i heard one of the comrade saying the name of one of the sick comrade and i was kinda worried at that time and my restlessness strikes my head. I know for a second that someone is going to faint and she does. Luckily she was being helped before she flat out on the field. But it makes me sad a bit to be honest. We continue everything and at that time everything went well. We went back to our 1st base where we landed our feet in the battlefield itself. When i thought everything is going to be ok something went wrong again. I heard a hard thump behind my line and at that time i know for sure one more person has lost the battle and the person who lost the battle is the person whom i had advised the nite before the Big Day to go get some rest. I was frustrated at that time,somemore listening to what those TKI was talking about us. Beside fainting nothing gone wrong during the raising the honoured flag moment.

Now the most saddest part came....

Its the time where we suppose to raised down the honoured flag and bring it back to its resting place and honoured it for the last time. It was a bit touché a bit because on that evening it was raining and our battlefield has become like an ugly football field or less worst than a padi field. We was informed that we are having a special guess from Aceh and we really have to make KJRI Penang feel proud by showing this guess what we have been trained for all this while. We make a footing at the same base like morning and waiting for another beloved trainer to enter the field and lead us. He came in and we are prepared,no more fainting this time we said. Everything went quite well first and then the 1st disaster started...One of our comrade shoes lose out coz it has been stepped by one of the comrade behing her,accidentally stepped and she stopped for a while to insert her leg inside her shoes back. I almost laugh but more to feel frustrate a bit. And its time to raise down the honoured flag and again when everything was supposed to be smooth sailing something went wrong. This time its the worst of all when the flag we are raising down can't be raised down! That is the worst of all!!! I considered myself as dead at that time. The song already half way and i can see my comrade are struggling to raised down the flag but they can't. I pity them a lot coz we are part of the team and whatever happened to one of the comrade the whole unit can feel it too. Then our most beloved trainer/leader for the closing ceremony came out and saved the day where at that time we can already see and feel how frustrated he is with all of us. We go back to the base hoping everything went well but again our marching are not the same a.k.a legs. This is due to our own fault.

After all finish,we are called to gathered around and was approached by the beloved trainer who saved our day and he scolded us and i think among all the words he said,the saddest would be the time he said "all the training we have been through was useless". I think that is the time where i can really feel how frustrated he is with the unit. He then leave us just like that,i guess he was just trying to calm himself down coz we know he usually not like that kind of person. Then we were called again by another beloved trainer where he gave us some +ve words to sooth our feelings a bit after we had lost the 'war' just now. At that time one of my comrade already cried and it tears me a bit. We all then shake hands with the beloved trainer and moved on to the field again as its time to take photos. Before photo moments we were approached by the most beloved trainer who really gave us lots of positive words tho we already know it has no effect at all to us. After photo moment we were called by beloved trainer who saved the day and he looks a bit calm down at that time. He then ask us to sit down and cool down for a sec and its time for him to have some slow talk with us. It was at that time most of the paskibra unit cried when he talks coz we know we really dissapoint him,somemore this year and this month was his last month in Penang,Malaysia. I tried my best not to cry but it was a helpless moment for me. I already started crying the time i took photos with him and tho he tries to calm me down he can't do nothing,not much help. I feel the pain,the pain of teaching someone to do something but end up down in the drain. Tapping my head wont give much help just make it worst. The most saddest part that he said would be that "your names will always be remembered for the rest of my life". That moment who are you kidding with,i cried like a little baby,just couldnt help myself. He actually almost cried but a tough army like him wont cry FOR SURE!

So,basically that was the thing that happened on the day where we thought suppose to be the most honourable and remembered day tho it will be remembered esp the one where the flag can't be raised down(it was technical problem to be honest). So again I felt that it was appropriate for me to apologize to them lots of lots of time. May our trainer Pak Rohman, Pak Hanafi, Pak Ayep and Pak Bayu forgive us.

-crash and burn-
paskibra 2009